well i’m not the one who burned all these bridges
but down in the town they’re saying it’s arson
i don’t know where they thought i might come into matches
or why my fingers smell like gasoline

well i’m not the one who stole all your thunder
but up in the village they say i’m a thief
they say my fingers were sticky so i pulled myself under
but i was just trying to get my hands clean

if i ever get out of here
i’ll be starting all over again
i’ll change my name, i’ll change my ways
it’s more than i ever believed i’d pay

well i’m not the one who asked for this sentence
up on the stand i am a beggar
i don’t know how i thought i might slip through their fingers
as if the bars were all shined up with vaseline

if i ever get out of here
i’ll be starting all over again
i’ll change my name, i’ll change my ways
it’s more than i ever believed i’d pay
to be accused of these crimes

from over the country they send scarlet letters
but everyone knows they’re just pretending to care
killing time in the big house each minute is murder
bite the bullet or shoot the messenger

if every word is a witness, each movement is suspect
if every word is a traitor, each movement is defense
if i lied in my sleep, if i drowned in my tears

if i ever get out of here
i’ll be starting all over again
i’ll change my name, i’ll change my ways
i’ll change every word of this résumé
i didn’t commit these crimes

if i admit to these crimes
i will be starting all over again
you play the game but if it stays the same
you just can’t keep starting all over again

all over again

once upon a time i slept through the night
my pillow deep in the hudson summer breeze
when mountains and majesties
seemed to keep me safe

once upon a time long before you were born
i’d drive around with the windows down
across the bridges playing freedom loud
i didn’t think twice about leaving the house
opportunity stretched out on the open road

the dawn was breaking right in front of my eyes
the stars had fallen; there was all this empty sky
i had big plans, i laid empire city claims
the stars had fallen—i would never be the same

once upon a time is how they try to explain
the morning my mother woke me on the day that everything changed
a rustle of lifetimes and numbers pressed
i fell out of body and i didn’t get dressed for a week

once upon a time is how they try to explain
the streets in drapes and the walls of pictures
the cars with makeshift decorations
the radio spoke to these altered states:
be brave, don’t let them see you afraid

but the world was breaking right in front of our eyes
god had fallen; there was all this empty sky
there was waiting, there were phone calls that never came
god had fallen―we would never be the same

they hung on blood red crosses
we watched them jump on tv
we heard the cricket sirens
we chose our shoes carefully
time marches by and you learn to sleep
but some nights i still wake up falling
hanging on to some old american dream

they said the storm was breaking right in front of our eyes
the rains had fallen; there was all this empty sky
guilt alive, months of papers full of names
the rains had fallen―it would never be the same

once upon a time in someone else’s life
it’s a bedtime story but they’d never get it right

eugene, you used to lock yourself up
and come out looking ten years older
eugene, you used to tie yourself up
with the history you never told them

eugene, you used to tear yourself up
shred the pages of your memory
and then the nerve eugene, the way she laid it all out
pulled you up from your grave – you didn’t want anyone to see

all the lives you lived
they weren’t lies you made up, you look down
hard to say who most has been betrayed

CHORUS:
a stab of the pen through the heart
when the ink flows out comes a river of sorrow
but you don’t cry – you set the rivers on fire
you signed your name
doesn’t that mean the story will burn its words
and hide till the end of time?

eugene, you’re the invisible man
but you stand in the biggest spotlight
no no no it’s not how you planned
but eugene, what can you really do to set it right?

all the lives you loved
the skeletons you gave up, you look down
she looks up – can you feel it?

CHORUS
           
the fascination , the repellence
her exhumation lacking repentance
who has the last word?
a curse of the free will
leaves them your testament
to your pedestal

to all the lives you lost
and how you kept your guard up, and the pain
got mixed up with the blame

i’ll put on her face, i’ll put on her clothes
i’ll get in your space and you’ll watch my mouth move
no one will know me and you’ll never tell
how i give you the world ‘cause you wouldn’t know me that well

i don’t know what it is i think i’m doing up here
another record to set straight, defend and make clear
i’ve gotten good at depending on my biggest fears

CHORUS:
o o o o can you see in the dark
what everyone’s watching?
nothing is clear but everything’s coming
o o o o you throw me a spark
that nobody hears – i can see in the dark
everyone’s watching

you don’t know why it feels so hard to be me
wading through this tide pool of drunken dreams
i’m no sailor – she’s the fisherman
i’m just a barmaid with no safe place to swim

so i don’t know what it is you think you’re doing in here
another bottle of blame you need me to make clear?
i’ve gotten good at pretending your cheap beer is wine
and everything’s fine

CHORUS

everyone’s watching
your balance on a threadbare tightrope
don’t spill your secrets – don’t cry
she lets everything fall in my lap
but our pieces don’t match
it’s all a scam – i can’t say who i am
but you make my eyes speak all the words i’ve ever known        

they’re all gonna ask me what we’re doing up here
another tired disguise or deny the whole deal
i’ve gotten so good at blurring the lines
till there’s nothing between them
and nothing is real

CHORUS

the problem is you’re invincible
at least you try to be
you talk like you’ll be here forever
walk around like you know everything
the problem is you’re way too certain
of every choice you make
you sermonize and hypnotize
try to hide all your mistakes

my issue is my indecision
i can’t make up my mind
but you say you disagree
you say i make it up all the time
(i just change it a lot)

the problem is you’ve got my number
but you never call me back
your magnet eyes keep pulling me in
to the length of your arms that hold me back
the problem is you’re right on target
with the things that you assume
you aim a dart with do i like you?
you pop a bubble of love from across the room

my issue is your intuition
i swear you read my mind
you say you disagree
the more i trust you less each time

your unspoken invitation – temptations, frustrations
inclinations, implications: these should all be signs

the problem is you’re enigmatic
and charismatic and it overrides
you make me say things that i shouldn’t
make me itch to compromise
the problem is you are like poison
but you taste like honey
you go down thick and sweet and smooth
it supersedes the subtle sting of the bee

my issue is infatuation
and it’s not only mine
but i bet you’d disagree
so i guess it’s all in my mind

my issue is your indiscretion
but you say it’s not a crime
and though i have to disagree
will i respectfully decline?

my issue is my indecision

so you steal a little star
with pictures far from who you are
you painted up your old cliché
in reinvented shades of grey

so you ran away from home
you say you like to be alone
you say you’re gonna make them proud
you say it hard and you say it loud

let them wonder where you are
how they wonder what you are

CHORUS:
you sing your little rhymes
with a twinkle in your eye
the translation in disguise
is that everything’s about
a kid who wants candy

so you chase the sweet unknown
every step a stepping stone
you step on every single day
and as you step they fall away

let them gaze up at your scars
they sugar the wounds with every postmark

CHORUS

don’t look back don’t second guess
(or look back once and blow one kiss)

up above the world so high
you stretch your arms to sell what they can’t buy
looks like you’re dying in the sky
like you’re dying in the sky

CHORUS

the temptation will arise
and everything’s about
a kid who wants candy

there was a war behind your eyes
a constant battle you would fight
you went unnoticed with your mask
you hid the chains so they wouldn’t ask
you nursed the wounds alone at night

you learned to choose your weapons well
you’d stash them underneath your bed
your will was weak, your muscles sore
your truth was easy to ignore
your lies were easy to defend

sugar and spice and everything nice
dreams and schemes and doctors’ scales
flesh and bones and sticks and stones
ballerinas, fairy tales

CHORUS:
mirror, mirror on the wall
you don’t know all she’s made of
why don’t you catch her?
why don’t you break her fall?
now who’s the fairest of them all?

so you ran manic through the mud
your swollen body ached with glut
the heavy sadness in your veins
confused the losses and the gains
you could not climb out of the rut

but how you’d climb the kitchen walls
you’d buy the women’s magazines
you’d try to vomit up your sin
until the empty filled you in
starved for the end to serve the means

sugar and spice and everything nice
barbie dolls and bathing beauties
playground tears and gym class fears
valentines and dressing rooms

CHORUS

you look and you try, don’t know why
you never find yourself in the glass
you never ask for help
you can’t see – wouldn’t know
you swore you could handle yourself
you mashed your soldiers in a ball
you braced yourself, you kissed them all
surrounded them with one last wall
silently sinking

CHORUS

sugar and spice and everything nice
plastic smiles and grocery aisles
pears and pills and lollipop girls
hollywood “hell”thy

sugar and spice and everyone’s secret
therapies and surgeries
exercise and suicide
shattered hearts and self-esteem

greens and blues and genes
and normalcy
normalcy

i remember the day that we met
wide-eyed kid caught in a hindsighted zeitgeist
“hold onto your heart, hold onto your head – 
you’ll remember this day” you said
a whirlwind romance of passion and art
you broke me down and i allowed myself to come apart
hold onto your head, hold onto your heart
yeah i remember that day

so how did we go from point A
to the point i don’t know what to believe?
you twist my words but now be straight with yourself
how do you keep track of the illusions?

CHORUS:
you are the man behind the curtain, and the curtain’s coming down
with your smokes and your drinks and your jokes and your winks
and your inside good-time crowd
o you are the man
you are the man behind the curtain

you set the stage then you set me up to miss the cues
with a temperament as seductive as the power you abuse
i told you broken boundaries never really mend
“you’re too open, too emotional” you said
skip ahead through the days you betrayed me
till i’m wide awake with this blindsided zeitgeist
it’s just like i said – just like you denied it would be
yeah i guess “too open” that’s me

tornado watch on the news tonight
stand on the roof – can you stand still all night?
cover your ears ‘cause you can’t hold on tight
to nothing

CHORUS

well this is a love song
if every song is a love song
and i guess i’m brilliant
‘cause everything you touch is brilliant

all the crazy people have their secrets
all the rest just hide they’re crazy
you fight the instinct to play your secrets
then you give yourself away anyway

i don’t doubt that you know the truth
i don’t doubt that you see it
i don’t doubt that it fights you
and it plays you and it gets you –
it gets you when everyone sees the truth

o it must be tough to get up there so high
too bad you can only see yourself through other people’s shining eyes
when you see all the tiny pairs of mirrors start to crack
do you get it now? you’re going down and no one’s ever had your back
i don’t care and i’m worn out
and i don’t care how reckless this song is gonna be
it’s a shame when no one’s brave enough to care about you
and it’s a shame you never really gave a shit about me

someday i’ll say all this
someday i’ll say all this and more
when we meet on the aged jaded green jealous streets
of the emerald city

CHORUS

if you had a heart, if you had a brain
if you had the courage to explain
but i took the part you wanted me to play
when i agreed to walk away

i’m looking for your eyes
they’re looking straight ahead
reflecting all the lights
and all the things i said
i’m reaching for your hand
the rain keeps falling down
the city never sleeps
but you don’t make a sound

i wanna hold everything
i feel so small but if i can stop the world
and step between for a moment
that lasts forever
we can write these vital chapters in the reconciling silence
and the time will not run out

you’re running ragged in the street
but you don’t let me catch your tears
they slip out from your eyes
and they disappear
you keep pounding out the days
i’m balancing our fears
we’re counting up the weeks and months
that point to clearer years

sometimes i wanna hold everything
i feel so real i’ll swallow whole the world
if i could know what it means for a moment
that’s meant to last forever
we’ll write these vital chapters in the reconciling silence
and the time will not –

no i can’t tell you how we’ve come to this
and i don’t know where we go now or why
and i can’t say that i am unafraid
but i’ll jump your puddles on the ground
push your clouds back on the sky
i’ll stand with all defenses down
i’ll be the love and the strength you need to cry
(‘cause you’re the love and the strength i need)

o give me your hand – let me hold everything
i feel so strong that i could throw the world
make you believe in this moment
and make us last forever
we’ll write these vital chapters in the reconciling silence

o baby for you i would hold everything
to write these vital chapters in the reconciling silence
and the time will not run out

what’s there to say on a day like today
with a whole year over that won’t go away?
the view out the window of a glass-bottom boat
is just the depth and the darkness below

what’s there to say of a night like this
when the morning has broken but the mourning persists?
a message is found in a bottle on the beach
and through the cracked glass and the drowning it reads:

“you’ve been washed by the waters
you’ve been tossed by the winds
but you’ll become a polished and a brilliant
beauty in the eyes of the storm”

what’s there to say to a face like yours
in the age of the nights on the ocean floor?
you throw down the sand and you jump at the tide
but you still don’t know you’re alive

so what’s there to say of a year like last except
go at the future with strength from the past?
the words lull like waves and they go yet unheard
but the edges shine in the surf

you’ve been washed by the waters
you’ve been tossed by the winds
but you’ll become a polished and a brilliant

if i were a stranger
and you met me on the street
would you know somehow you knew me?
you have me laid out like a map i traced
on the back of your hand
and this is how you’ve come to hold me

souvenirs you never bought
details you forget
or maybe things you can’t express
the lessons learned, the lessons taught
the souvenirs you never bought

if your actions whispered louder
than the patterns of my speech
perhaps i’d know what you mean
but my perception of your perception
speaks its own reality
so tell me now, what do i mean to you?

souvenirs you never bought
details you neglect
or maybe things you can’t address
am i the fire or the things you’ve lost?
or the souvenirs you never bought?

our pockets have been full
our travels have been far
a routed fine line between
circumstance and who we are

if there was a place you could return
changes you could make
what would it take for you to go there?
well i can’t give you all my answers
you know they’re packed away
but the airport shops are always open

souvenirs you never bought
but do you think that i’ve forgotten
the windows we’ve come through
or the views we’ve touched
or the miles we’ve logged?

souvenirs you never bought
simple things you wish you’d done
other shoes that drop
trips we never took
souvenirs we never bought

souvenirs you never bought
feelings unexpressed
postcards unaddressed
i guess you don’t think of me
do you think of me?

souvenirs you never bought

look, look in my eyes and tell me the truth
isn’t this a surprise?
looking back to the days of our youth
would you ever have guessed
that we’d be right here, you and I?

i have known your name for a thousand years
i have travelled miles just to find you beside me
who would’ve guessed, but who wouldn’t have known
the truth in the rapture and comfort called home?
surprises and destiny, this love was meant to be

something old, something new, borrowed, and blue
can you see through the sky?
trace your soul intertwined from the start of all time
all these lifetimes away
i can’t say how or why, but

i have known your name for a thousand years
i have travelled miles just to find you beside me
holding the walls up, and breaking them down
chasing through castles where rainbows abound
sure as the sun rises, this love was meant to be

i will climb with you up the highest mountain
i will swim with you across the widest sea
i will rest with you under blankets of stars
and while the campfires burn
the universe whispers its secrets again

i have danced with you over echoes of laughter
sailed with you through an ocean of tears
i will hold your hand
i will never let go – never let go
this i have known for a thousand years

i have known your name for a thousand years
i have travelled miles just to find you beside me
for better and better, to have and to hold
forever and after the story all told
you are my everything, this love was meant to be

she had always been the youngest of her peers
she never learned to face her fears
such is romance with familiar strangers
in her youth she’d acted stupid
thinking every prick was cupid’s arrow
it pointed her in all directions

swinging up to spiral down, being tossed around
so sideways glances from her eyes fell with her to the ground

she wondered, when is it time to go?
how do you know when you’ve really had it?
when do those become the days?
do seasons cry for help to change, to turn the new leaves over?
if sunshine’s shadowed by the rain, she thought,
the last straw could sustain her breath a little longer
from underwater

it’s funny how with age the difference disappears
in high school leaps were lullabies
by 21 some 20 years were nothing
and the way that things appear
well no one’s interested in tears
she’d be known as most mature and strongest

strong enough to hold the walls up, push the talking back their way
few people knew what she could say – didn’t she like it that way?

when is it time to go?
how do you know when you’ve really had it?
when do those become the days?
do seasons cry for help to change, to turn the new leaves over?
if sunshine’s shadowed by the rain, she thought,
the last straw would sustain her breath a little longer
from underwater

though innocence is bliss
there’s only so much sadness you can celebrate
with faith that it hides higher purpose
she’s coming up towards the surface

she had always thought that she could face her fears
till she was standing solo at the gate
still plugging up her ears
can the pressure of intense goodbyes
be equalized by cabin fever
to fly the mermaid through the open air?

and from the airport window she could see the world
she was alone – she was alone – her flag unfurling

o, is it time to go?
how do you know when you don’t still have it?
when do those become the days?
do seasons cry for help to change, to turn the new leaves over?
if sunshine’s shadowed by the rain, she thought,
she’ll travel higher than the pain
and hope that strength above feels stronger